Relapsing in Recovery

If you don’t feel like watching a video of me ramble about my struggles with relapsing in recovery while speed eating oatmeal then here is an overview:

Relapsing in recovery for me is much more nuanced than the obvious physical manifestations. Clearly if there is a retreat back to classic ED behaviors than a relapse has already happened. The initial thoughts of wanting to lose weight or control your diet are the beginning of a relapse. If you can recognize these negative thoughts the moment they start entering your headspace than a relapse can be prevented. I personally struggled with relapses often in quasi recovery and also at the beginning of Minnie Maud. Once I fully committed to recovery a relapse didn’t happen again until I had been weight restored for several months. In the past 6 months I have had the initial thoughts enter my mind quite a few times. I’ve tried counting my calories, controlling the number, weighing myself, setting up weight loss goals. All of these actions are the first steps towards a relapse. Fortunately I have become an expert at recognizing these behaviors in myself. After a few days I can pull myself back by reminding myself how cute I am or reading some of my old diary posts from when I was sick and remembering how awful that period of my life was. Recovery is not perfect and even when we’ve achieved the best version of ourselves it doesn’t mean we never think about going back. However, it does mean we have the strength to persevere ❤

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Rachel, 25, Badass feminist, Kitchen mess maker, Spanish speaking television buff, Bikram yoga junkie, Buffy Summers wannabe, ED Recovery warrior.

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