I don’t think I’m sick…


How do you know if you are really sick?  Maybe you aren’t *technically* underweight, maybe you don’t look anorexic, maybe you think you’re sick but not sick ~enough~. If any of the following sounds familiar to you, please keep reading:

  • I thought that I wasn’t skinny enough to be anorexic.
  • I thought recovery was never going be possible for me.  That I was stuck that way forever.
  • I thought that remaining depressed, isolated, afraid, cold, sick, and helpless was worth the feeling of fitting into size 0 jeans.
  • I heard a voice telling me to count each calorie or I would get fat.
  • I stepped on the scale 3 times a day and let any fluctuation torture me.
  • I never missed a workout, and did extra mini workouts throughout the day.
  • I found myself thinking about food non-stop.  I found myself unable to focus on anything else.
  • I avoided: Bread, bagels, tortillas, pasta, cheese, butter, olive oil, avocados, pizza, ice cream, baked goods, alcohol, meat, chocolate, anything from a restaurant that wasn’t an undressed salad or soup, potatoes, cereal, any liquid that wasn’t water, and much much more.
  • I chewed three packs of gum a day.
  • I obsessively checked my BMI every time my weight changed.
  • I forced myself to drink an entire Nalgene of water before each meal.
  • I avoided going out to bars and restaurants.
  • I declined food made for me by friends and family.
  • I went to bed early to avoid dinners and scheduled classes during meal hours.
  • I calculated and recalculated potential future intakes neurotically.
  • I was addicted to My Fitness Pal.
  • I spent hours walking up and down grocery aisles examining the nutrition labels on everything I saw.
  • I was afraid to confide in friends and family.
  • My nails stopped growing and my hair fell out in chunks.
  • I was constantly frozen cold with no way of warming up.

If any of the above resonates with you or you have other symptoms of restrictive eating then you already know that there is a problem.  It is time to take your life back from the illness that is keeping you down.  I am here to assure you that recovery is the best option and 100% possible .  For EVERYONE.  It takes time, it takes patience, it takes support, and it takes strength.  More than anything it takes a strong belief in yourself.  It takes accepting that life can be better when you are no longer chained down by false notions of beauty.

On this website in the coming weeks I will flesh out each step of the process in detail and also cover topics like:

  • Why “I may not be happy but at least I’m thin” is not logical
  • You don’t have to be a certain size/weight to be sick
  • The problem is not your body; the problem is how you’ve been taught to view your body
  • Overcoming fear foods
  • You are allowed to eat today no matter how much you ate yesterday!!
  • Alcohol in recovery
  • You do not have to work out to eat
  • The fear of developing binge eating disorder
  • Learning to love your flaws
  • Letting go of the guilty feelings
  • Metabolism logic
  • The dangers of yo-yo dieting
  • How to step out of a relapse
  • Revamping your wardrobe for recovery
  • The power of community

And many more, so follow the Facebook page or this blog on WordPress to keep updated on each post and never forget that you are beautiful and recovery is worth it!

Posted by

Rachel, 25, Badass feminist, Kitchen mess maker, Spanish speaking television buff, Bikram yoga junkie, Buffy Summers wannabe, ED Recovery warrior.

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