Starting Over

Welcome, everyone, to the new Ladle by Ladle.

This blog originally began in the summer of 2014 as my way of sharing recipes (mostly baked goods) with friends, families, and whoever else stumbled upon them.  Well, two years have gone by since then and a lot has changed.

2When I started writing my recipes I was newly discovering what life could be like again if I recovered from my eating disorder.  I ended up abandoning the blog after a few months for bigger recovery goals like drinking, socializing, getting take out, and trying to forget about how difficult it once was to put a cookie down my throat.  As I slowly recovered over the following year my fascination with food plummeted, as it should have, and maintaining a blog like this wasn’t good for my fragile newly recovered psyche.

It has been about three and a half years since I became anorexic, two and a half years since I decided to try and recover, and one and half years since fully recovering.  You can read about my slow decline into the grips of ED in more detail HERE in an article I wrote for Spoon U when I was in college.

When I was sick I was brought to the hospital for complications of being underweight several times, I went to therapy, I talked to family and friends, but absolutely nothing was helping me.  I knew that something was wrong but I could not accept my responsibility to do anything about it.  To me, the pain was worth the price of being thin.  Until one day as I was in bed wrapped up under four blankets with the heat on staring at my dorm room wall wishing I could die instead of dealing with it all, I began to realize that I was not okay.  I took a look at my life and saw what a shell of a human I had become.  I had isolated myself from all of my friends.  I had made my family and long distance boyfriend feel helpless as they could only watch my destruction from afar. I hadn’t had a single thought that wasn’t about food, calories, weight, or exercise in over a year.  I looked at myself in the mirror and I only saw failure where others saw sickness.  I put gum in my mouth from my third pack of the day and decided to look online for help.

On the internet I found my salvation.  It started with discovering blogs of other girls who were recovering.  It was shocking to read about people who felt the same way that I did.  I read tumblr accounts of people who I felt understood me and the way I was seeing the world, my body, and food.  I found blogs like youreatopia and thefuckitdiet.  I was seeing girls who were able to challenge themselves to a piece of pizza or bowl of ice cream, feats that I didn’t think would be possible for myself.  Discovering the possibility of recovery by seeing what it could look like was the first step in the longest and most difficult journey of my life.

1I continued to use the power of the internet (coupled with external support) to conquer my illness and get myself into a full and robust remission from anorexia.  The process was tough and challenging, and perhaps even more difficult than being sick was because I was fighting against the voice in my head instead of succumbing to it.  However, I powered through and I am so grateful for the life I get to lead today because of it.

Now it is time to give back and so I’ve returned to Ladle by Ladle, given it a small makeover, and am going to make this my new recovery blog – from the perspective of someone who has recovered from restrictive eating and all that it entails.  I am going to share my own tips and method of recovery from ED with the hopes of helping someone who is where I once was.  Perhaps seeing the possibility of recovery and understanding what it takes to get there can be someone else’s first step on their life changing journey.  So I’m here, and my advice and stories will be peppered with some outrageously in your face body confidence and also to keep true with the original intent of the blog… some delicious recipes!

*The advice I give is not professional medical advice, merely anecdotal evidencePlease do what is best for your own body and seek help from a medical professional for official guidelines to recovery.

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Rachel, 25, Badass feminist, Kitchen mess maker, Spanish speaking television buff, Bikram yoga junkie, Buffy Summers wannabe, ED Recovery warrior.

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